Confessions of a Real Mom

So I've been thinking.  Which is dangerous, I know.  But here's the thing. Over in my profile I mentioned how I don't live in a beautiful magazine house, and I'm okay with that.  Well, here's another one for ya. 

If you are a female, and you have one or more children, chances are you have subscribed, read, skimmed, or flipped through a parenting magazine; am I right? If not, I will take a moment to explain what I like to call........The Magazine Mom.

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal opinion.  If you love parenting magazines and study them like the Bible, Awesome. Rock on. Work it, sister. However, these are my thoughts.

In a parenting magazines, we moms are bombarded with expectations and suggestions.  Your child should be getting this much sleep, this many ounces of whole milk, water down their juice, only serve your toddler organic foods, make your own baby food cause you have oodles of time on your hands between feeding your child three healthy and balanced meals with two healthy snacks in between that are never accompanied by processed foods or Red dye #40 or GOOD HEAVENS, IS THAT HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP!?  Buy this ridiculously expensive toy for them to drool on so their development will be 34% more on target. Your baby should weigh so much as this age, and spend this much time doing developmentally stimulating activities every day, oh and by the way, have you started the three day potty training method while you keep the grocery store tantrums completely under control?......  *PHEW*

This encompasses.......The Magazine Mom.  The moms that *appear to* spend a whole lot of time trying to keep up with all this crap! (excuse me)  They are all around us.  Making us "Real Moms" feel silly and inadequate.  I've hard them be referred to as  "Cute Moms" for their ability to always look like they just walked out of a photo shoot for a parenting magazine.  *Oy.*  Such high expectations that I have been feeling!  Feeling like if I'm a Magazine Mom, that means I'm a GOOD mom......and anything short of that is......well.....unacceptable.  Of course, this isn't the intent of the magazine people (I don't think it is, anyway) but like I said before.... these are my thoughts.  I feel like I'm expected to obtain all of these skyscraper levels of parenting.

I will admit, I was giddy when my sister gave me my first subscription to a parenting magazine for my birthday.  GIDDY, I tell you.  I did try to follow the experts and study the articles like there was going to be a test.  And yes, I admit, I made my own baby food.  It was terrible, and my daughter refused to eat it. LOL  I only had one child and already felt overwhelmed with all of the studies and statistics.  Was my daughter on target? Was she getting enough calories? Is it safe for her to be eating white bread? Should I be testing this food for three days to see if she's allergic?  So many things that I was not only thinking about, but WORRYING about.  My husband kept telling me I was being really silly worrying about these things.  Repeatedly. And I have something to say about my behavior.  I'm so sorry for worrying about silly things that don't really matter as much as I thought they did.

Now here's the thing.  CLEARLY.... I am not a Magazine Mom.  I am a Real Mom.  And here come my Confessions of a Real Mom:

My girls had Cheetos and chocolate milk for breakfast the other day,  I give them 100% NOT watered down apple juice *gasp* and 2% milk!! I also shared a bowl of brownies and ice cream with my three year old last night at 9pm. My girls have spent three straight days in the same pajamas because we didn't leave the house and I didn't want to do the extra laundry.  I have wiped their boogers with their shirts on numberless occasions, I RARELY sanitize a fallen pacifier,  I have no idea what time the baby had how many ounces.....he's hungry, feed him.  I let the dogs lick their faces, When my two girls start fighting.......I let them duke it out for a while before breaking it up.  And here comes a doozy...... I spank their little butts.  Their five basic food groups are peanut butter and nutella sandwiches, grilled cheese, hot dogs with Salt and Vinegar chips, pizza and Spaghettios (princess shapes) and I let them watch a whole lot of TV.

Sounds like a pretty lazy mom, doesn't it?  Wait. It gets better, I promise.

I am not a Magazine Mom.  Does that mean I'm a Bad Mom?  No.  And here comes the why:

My children (ages 3 and almost two) say "please" "thank you" "you're welcome" and "sorry" to my husband, myself, each other, and anybody else who comes in contact with them....(here it comes)....... with minimal prompts.  They have chores. I feel that if they can reach it, they can do it.....and if they can't reach it, they can go get their stool.  They help put clean dishes away, sweep, switch laundry and take the (small bags of) garbage out. They help pick up their toys, shoes, laundry, garbage, and know where each of those items belong.  My three year old is learning to go potty without any help (she still needs help with the wiping process) No, I don't expect them to know how to read or even know the alphabet. They are toddlers, for crying out loud. Let them enjoy being toddlers.

Now I sound like a slave driver, don't I?

 Well, here's the game changer.  Ready?  The girls are doing these chores and activities by their own free will and choice 90% of the time.  Why?  Because instead of spending my time measuring how many ounces of milk they've had in the past 24 hours, and trying to be a Magazine Mom, I'm TEACHING my children. Encouraging my children.  Praising my children. Playing with my children. Loving my children. I have no clue what percentile they are in, nor do I care. I have better things to concentrate on like kissing skinned knees, wiping crocodile tears, snuggling away the monsters, singing bedtime songs, dancing to the movie credits music, and nibbling soft lavender scented baby necks after bath time. Do you know what that makes me?

NOT a Magazine Mom.

 A Real Mom.

A Good Mom.

I am not a Magazine Mom.  And I'm okay with that.

And that's My House in Real Life.